Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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