we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
