I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
