So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
