I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
