My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
