I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
