Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
