I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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