He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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