Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
