If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
