We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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