We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
