well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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