Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
