I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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