I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
