i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
