I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
