im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
