um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
