I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
