I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
