I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
