one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
