Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize