Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
