She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
