I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
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