ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
