the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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