My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
