worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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