2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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