I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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