Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
