The best revenge is premature balding
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
