I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
