oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
