Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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