If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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