i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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