My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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