you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She bit a glass in half.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
