I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
