Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
