Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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