why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
