I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
