I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
