One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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