Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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