she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm having to shit out rocks
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