Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
