hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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