When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
