if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
