I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
