You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
they're like a gay fantastic four
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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