Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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