Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize