Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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