I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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