And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We talked him into tasing himself.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
