you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
