Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
two words: eviction party
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
