dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
