but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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